Dragonflies and Self Identity-

Hey there-- 

So, a while ago on our Instagram I did a few polls to see what you as the readers wanted to see more of. One of the highest requested topics was queer content/personal experiences. I recently had a lot go on in my life related to the topic and I thought it would be a good time to talk about self-identity as a whole, while also touching on the queer aspect of it. 

What I find interesting about the world and society as a whole (I know what a way to start lol), is that throughout time there is a lot of evolution that takes place. Every generation is different- from experiences, historical events, general takes on the world, and more. In the year 2023, I’m glad to say there has been a lot of change, especially within the last ten years or so. Yes, there are still close-minded people out there, but there is a lot more acceptance than we may realize. We don’t see it until something major happens in our lives, and we are answered with overwhelming kindness. Indeed, there are some haters out there, but their opinions don’t matter to you. Just as our world changes, so do we as people- which is why I wanted to talk about this topic of self-identity. 

Self-identity ranges from so many things. Whether it’s the pronouns you use, the name you go by, the people you love- or even as simple as your favorite color. Every person is different, which is why I’m so glad our recent generations are becoming more and more open to accepting who we are and how we identify ourselves. I think a lot of us take this for granted- and talking to my parents/my parents' generation as of late, I feel this is more true than ever. I mean it was just in 2011 that same sex marriage was made legal in New York state, and I believe it was around 2015 it was legalized nationwide in the US (correct me if I’m wrong, I apologize if I am). For a lot of parents, it’s opened their eyes as their kids come out, something they weren't exposed to when they were growing up. I mean, even when I was younger, I didn’t know it was a thing to be gay (I’m from a really small-town guys), and it took me a while to realize my identity and who I am as a person. Sure, we still have a long way to go, but I can see the changes slowly coming. 

With this in mind, it’s more important than ever that we continue to make progress, not just for us, but for our future kids and the world we will inevitably leave behind. I feel like figuring out who we are is one of the hardest things we can do in our lives, but it would be beyond easier if we continued to make an accepting environment for people to just be who they are. Without that, our world would be pretty boring. I mean, who doesn’t love rainbows and happiness? That’s like someone saying they didn’t love Halloween or something- Like what? You don’t like free candy and dressing up in cool costumes? That must be hella boring. 

As an insecure person, and a chronic overthinker, I get what it feels like to be scared of what people might be thinking of you. For the longest time when I was questioning my identity, I wasn’t thinking about what would make me happier, but what others might think if I told them I liked girls. I mean, I still liked guys, but I was realizing I’d always been attracted to women- so what the heck were people going to be saying about me? In hindsight I shouldn’t have given a damn what people were thinking about me, because they aren’t me. As a wise person once told me- the only person we can control is ourselves. Sure, it’s still scary to come out, but for me coming out lifted a weight off my shoulders. I didn’t have to carry around this huge secret. If you don’t want to come out, then that’s fine- but for me it felt like this big thing I had to do. I felt like I had to share, because at the time it felt like such a big part of who I was discovering that I wanted to share with the people I was closest to. At first it was just my parents, sisters, and one friend lol- with time I started to express myself without fear of what others might see. That wasn’t the end of my journey though, I've been through three different labels if I’m remembering correctly, and that’s not including the gender crisis that followed shortly after. At first, I came out as bi, but then I realized I only liked women- but that was because I felt like I had to pick a ‘side’ and I happened to have a crush on a girl at the time. I was being internally homophobic to myself without even realizing it. I had been so used to seeing this heteronormative world, that I think I subconsciously wanted to suppress myself. I know, how silly of me. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that I don’t really like labels at all. I like who I like- there’s nothing else to it. I’ve also started to notice that I just like people for who they are, and how they make me feel. I’ll be head over heels for you if you just like me for me and let me ramble about the shows I like or books I’m reading. I’d do the same for them as well. Unfortunately, I haven't had the chance to meet someone that’s ready for all the chaos that is me, but I’m learning to accept myself fully first. It’s ok to be single and love yourself- but that’s a story for another day.  

I think we’re finally coming to a time in this world that we can finally just be that. To just be ourselves, and express ourselves for who we really are. Like I said before, it’s one of the most important things we can do for our own happiness. If we don’t do that then we won’t truly be fulfilled, and you’ll be left to pick up the pieces. I know I’ve started to truly love myself within the last few months as I accepted this idea. Well, I had some help from my best friend telling me to stop giving a flying fuck and to stop trying to force myself into a box that doesn’t really fit. You’re allowed to wear what you want to, date who you like, and to simply go out and be yourself. I feel like I’m starting to get kind of preachy, but this is really really important to me. It’s something I’ve struggled with, and something that takes a lot of evolving as a person to accept. 

Don’t hide for fear of what others think, go out there and show the world who you really are. I’ve never felt like much of a butterfly- colorful and vibrant, but I have spread my wings to learn to fly. So yeah, maybe I’m not the gender norm, and maybe I like lots of different people, and maybe because of that not everyone likes me- but I’m me. I’m my own person, not necessarily a butterfly to society's standards- but I like to think I’m a dragonfly. I’ve survived the test of time, and even when the rug has been pulled out from underneath me, I’m still here. Sure, it’s hard, but I’m surviving, and soon I know I’ll be thriving. 

Ok- until next time my fellow people, and maybe by then I’ll finally have a dragonfly tattoo… 

Much Love, 

Lee